What Love is to Me

I feel that Love can be a paradox.
It is gentle,  yet you can bleed.
It is beautiful,  yet it can be painful.
It is accepting, yet it can demand all of you.
It is the beginning and the end.
It is a feeling at an instance and it can become a commitment in your life.

It is an ideal and becomes a way of life.
It is a place I run to time to time,
yet it is place I can feel burned.

It is an attitude and operates without rules.
It is for us, yet it hard to find.

It is not a feeling, rather how I commit and serve others.
It does not make me richer monetarily,
yet it can help me to be stronger.

It cannot be felt or understood.
Yet, it heals,  it soothes.
It is the only thing that can hold and contain all of me.

This place resides all fears, anger, shame, guilt and meets me without a word.
It is the space where all can be understood without any judgement and reason.
Embracing all of me, it says,
I hear you, I feel you, I understand, I hear u.
It is a knowledge beyond all knowings, a kind of understanding that relieves me from the trash I collect along the way in life.

This is paradise.
That I hope to receive every moment in my life.
For me this is my melting point and place, my g spot .
The balancing game I don't have to play,
the whys all endhere.
Pause, pause pause.

It is quiet.
It is a safe, secure.
No one can mess with me here.
It is like being in my protective ball all over me, a warm, bight, clear, breathable area where I become like a baby once again.
Suckling and nursing at my mother's breast.

I float and sleep secure in this realm.
It ia my hiding, my shelter from the darts that fly and the arrows that come but don't get hit.

I know I can reach for it, and call it to me when I need it.
It is not far from me,it exists and it is real.
It is u and it is me.
It is us.

Lover of my Life

Rather, to experience acceptance, why not accept yourself with self compassion.
Hope to be heard,  why not hear the voice that always want to reach out.
Try not to judge,  instead to embrace.
Have faith I am stronger and bigger than what is beyond me for now.
Reach out, touch someone today.
Harsh words are easy to say.
Kind and gentle words to my soul, physical body needs it.
It is ok to feel lost, afraid, it is our right to feel vulnerable.
Sometimes,  our body gets sick, sometimes our minds and thoughts get sick.
Allow myself to feel through, let it cut through.
Yes, it does bleed,  it does feel cold.
Like the process of acknowledging your emotions as your friends, some nice, some milky, some nasty, somw sweet, some scary.
It has its purpose in serving your body and soul.
Let the unconditional love  to slowly surface, like you would do for a friend.
Sit and bathe under its gentleness,  soothing balm to your pain and struggles.
Let the gentle assurances it wants to offer to feed your soul to find the strength again.
Be thankful for every experience.

I am loved

Perplexed with my values that I uphold,
Thinking it will bring me along a journey without or little storms.
Boy, so wrong am I in my immature thinking.
Life does not promise me that good deeds equals good life.
In fact, it has proven quite the opppsite.....
Commitment and good attitude seems not to be paying off the way I think it would.
No guarantee of monetary, emotional reward and respect.
Yet, to me it is like to keep and be true to my religion.
No rewards, what's in for me then?
I seem like a fool led to the wrong venue.
It makes it clearer what is important to me.
It is no longer a path I can control so easily.
Because, it is not about me anymore.
Even this place sucks, it is something I have chosen for now.
I hope to go through even I can't see the end of  what it might entail for me in the longer run which I can't grasp.
I can only hope,  wait with faith and know that a fair share of what I have deserve d will be given back on time.

Because I am beautifully and wonderful ly woven

When my path of tears, struggles, anxieties,  anger, is mixed with a couple wonderful souls with whom I cannot imagine my life without.
When the giving becomes the fuel for finding other paths.
When confusion is mixed with shame, guilt and fear.
Home calls me, the only anchor that stay strong, the heart and the mind must seperate here.
The warmth of a hug brings me hope once more.
I am saved and protected dispite the undercurrents.
When I am under the shelter with little energy to figure my way.
I rest till I regain my strength within.

My perks

Girl

My boys

Our new garden

Popping his head

Our Worth

We cannot base our worth on our performance, ability, talents.
It is only when we experience true helplessness and confusion,
We will truely know what is really important that makes us who we are.
It is through our suffering s that we can boast of our achievement.

Glittering gentle soul

How beautiful it is to receive such a gift
Without naming
Without trying to understand
Just accept it with gratitude
Do not hold onto it
Just stay with it while it is still present and real
Affirming you, melting the angs, looking out for u
Thank you