A special bond

When there is no one,  no living soul around... nothing warmth with no one on your side, when you come home to an empty and dysfunctional home,  when you have no one to eat and sleep with.....as loneliness gets to befriend me.

It is interesting that I get something to look forward to something pure and alive, free from control and logic.

True to his himself. And I get to see him and interact with him.
Even though I get to do it everyday, I am not tried,  bored ..instead it is like time passes.

Cleaning up his mess can get really tiring,  but just like a mother who has given birth,  she forgets her pain and tiredness when she sees her baby.

Although, 
my mum did not see me off to work, ah boy did. 
He knows when I am awake and it is his food time.
And I get to kiss and hug him before I start the day.
When someone looks forward for me to be back at the end... imagine you are the only one he is waiting for.

I am reminded that I am important in his life.
I am enough for him.

Even though it seems that he looks forward for his meals rather than seeing me.... his action when he delayed eating right after I have given him food showed me that,
there is something more important that he and I need to be alive.. that is human touch.

It means he eats heartily without a care, only after he had been given hugs and kisses.

His need for reassurances , affirmed love,  kindness and acceptance are a reflection of what I need as well.

More than a physical body,  craving for connection and to be secure in this relationship is vital for life.

When I am his reflection... what I do he copies even though he is... a pet?
The way I sleep.... eat....  irritations.
I have reminded to be gentle with myself....

But,  what amazes me the most is his innate ability to connect with a thing so much bigger.
His connection with me really touches my heart and soul... and it is so healing.
How many humans out there can you even have a connection?
Either they just can't get it, or too busy to want to connect.

But, at the end of the day... it is the very thing,  that is beautiful and important, a longing we have heart and soul. 

To be known by another and be accepted no matter what.

It does make sense that we are made to live forever with the Lord. And it will never be dull or boring or purposeless.

Amen

A bond that never dies

When you are bugged for not spending personal time with him...when you just did!

When you are the only living being that he gets excited about when he hears the ringing of home keys that you just reached home!

There is such thing as saying goodnight and going to bed... when you see him contented and filled and ready to go into his little room and sleep.
Not standing by the edge of his cage waiting.

When meal times means Mummy and me eating the same food?

Happiness

When happiness is seek from the outside, dependant on things rather than God alone for comfort and encouragement, which means surrending to god..and waiting for him and not despair.

Life would seem without its purpose and meaning without suffering. or bearing with others or one's own struggles for peace and calmness. Signs of being alive, has a bigger picture for a greater cause.. However, cold and unfeeling it might seems.

There will be days without any signs of purpose and meaning. We would wander in unfamiliar lands that are harsh and dry. It would seem empty and as if God has abandoned us.

We would learn to appreciate human life and understand it's value and sacredness. Yet, the journey to self discovery is a long winding road.

The understanding of one self to face the unknown.
The strength needed to do combat and recover from the treacheries.
Courage to stand up again and again after being pushed off balance... With countless heartaches and without any answers to the whys.

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Unbreakable Relationship

It is possible to have an endearing relationship with God. He has decided long ago to teach us how to have lasting relationship. The type where does not depend on what we did, are going to do. The truth is he is such a loving father and mother that wants us to live with him as spiritual beings. Who is willing to get into the mud with us. Who just can't wait to get involve with us. He is never going to abandon us, be angry with us for long. Yet, we are so afraid of him, unsure of his love and mercy. We run.... The only constancy is him. He believes in us so much that he wants to get into our mess with us. He is willing to invest in us. So much that he sent his son to die as a ransom to pay off our debtors. That he wants us to share the gift of eternal life as spiritual beings. To lift us to become heavenly beings. However, we need assurances ...we need to know and know in the very depths of our beings that we are loved no matter what. That we would not be ever abandoned. We are his children and he is our Father. We need to constantly return back to the heart of our father as we are unable to provide for ourselves the graces needed to work on ourselves to learn and grow in maturity in love with one another and God.

The daily struggles

The daily drama of who is right and who is wrong. The poor me. Why me? I cannot la! The blaming game The above or similar contentions.. Sounds familar and very human. We play the games as our children do Our expections high and acceptance low. Our blood boils the minute things don't go according to plan. We base our actions out of what is in for me or be stepped all over, over giving. We go through extremes ...either ...or We get high and get real low. We feel like victims. We are so impatient, we compare....we think we have to get it right the first time. If not the second. We go into depression. We feel guilty, we feel that we have to carry the responsibilty for others. We allow ourselves to be used....we learn what is boundary. We feel that we have to earn love from others... no matter how others are treating us. We make excuses for them. We forgot that they would never love us the way we want them to. We learn that it is not about us. It is not always our fault that things are not going well. We learn to let go. We are so limited, we cannot get it right or be perfect. We learn to embrace our imperfections and others. We look to Jesus who can embrace us as we are. We learn when to do and when to rest. We learn that routine is good... we need constancy to grow as much as we need changes. We learn of our human state and start to embrace with compassion our imperfections, faults, scars, guilts, obsessions. We carry our crosses and follow Jesus. Then with all the dramas ... we learn that we need boundaries and respect to grow and mature.

Vulnerabilities our only way in building

How can we build bridges across to another soul without being seen, heard amd felt. Can we feel ugly, silly, embrassed, jealous, angry, anxious, butterflies, risk being rejected, judged. Can we feel as if our hearts are going to break? And still dare to risk it to be seen and heard! How than can we learn trust? How do we know we can or connect? How then can love otherwise grow in intimacy, safety? How can we understand me and the other? How to learn what this commitment means? To be there for someone? How else can we give? If there is no thrashing out between one another? What holds us together? What gels us as one instead of focusing as the body of Christ? How else only through honest communication...not going through a checklist! We need the time...we need the energy.....in order to build love, the covenant that God intended for us tp have and with him. We cannot build love without sacrifice of one self. We cannot mend our brokeness if we cannot forgive. We cannot build relationship without commitment to one another. We need the structure of a covenant to grow, for within this protected space, we can then work through within us and with another. To have a relationship God has intended for us.

Bonding versus Love

I believe God created bond to protect, keep us connected with him and one another. It is a form of love that wants us to have a sense of belonging... close intimacy ... It helps to nurture the young in animals and humans. However, the bond that keeps friends together...becomes the bond we have for our own flesh and blood. A collection of shared experiences together. So, as soon as trials come along... the bond becomes trying. We become humans with no chest. Got brains but no heart. Got family but no relationship. Can get hurt but no more emotions. We lose the meaning and purpose and the potential of living. We become alienated, empty and restless. Living no mere than the hard cover of a book. We no longer regard our beings as sacred beings. Devoid of what the body of love really means. Now, the real exciting part is our risk to be vulnerable. What makes us known and seen and understood?

My brokeness

Sometimes, I cannot choose the kind of family I come from...

The love, closeness, intimacy I long for.

The harmony, acceptance, that seems only certain choosen people are allowed to have.

It cannot be earned and cannot be justified.

More like a gift... either I am given or not.

Yet, I cannot deny that my dad loves me.

However, I cannot communicate with him.

The struggle and fustration are there.
The tension of not being understood.

There are no gentleness, no rewards,
no warmth, no encouragement.

I don't to die in the drama.

Neither do I get to move on.

Looking at Nature

I wondered how many of us are grateful for the unpretentious beauty and truth of nature? How many times do we stop to appreciate the patterns, colours, scent and growth, instead we chase reference of points to make us feel and look good. Yet, driving us into more stressful lives. If we can just take a step back, we can start to appreciate that sacred space in this bustling city. Humble and simple. Vulnerable yet beautiful. Fragile yet courageous. Most of all, we seek for for happiness. Peace,  harmony, self awareness, clarity of mind and heart. We can all claim back our heritage of a less judgemental self and embrace the truth and beauty of what it means to truely exist. Cindy

A season of transformation

Built in for affection

Even, if a mother forgets her baby, the Lord who created us could never forsake us.

When we came into this world, we were equipped with the antennas to receive and give love.
Even, the creatures of the wild knew how to nurse their young with tenderness and protective love.
A beginning of creative power streamed into being.
It was in our mother's womb..that life came forth.
The place where we were woven, a sacred place.
A nurturing place, from inside us, life came forth.

First, in our mother's womb.
Second, at our mother's breast, we learned trust.

Although, we communicated first through her touch,
her gentle soothing voice and eyes that looked straight into our souls while inside of her.
We learned about kisses, hugs and cuddles outside of her.
Everything about her, her smell, her touch,
her voice, her emotions were the only familiar thing we knew.
And, it was perfect!

We communicated, we connected.
We were heard and accepted.
Held and carried.
Consoled and encouraged.
It was as if time stood still.

We survived and thrived well without the need for language.
Sensing, feeling, reading, listening was all we needed.
Yet, we knew the precised language.

The language of LOVE.
The language of TOUCH.
The language of AFFECTION.
The language of KNOWING.

We knew the foundations to live a wholesome life.
For, it felt like the warmth, secured place of the home.

It was not just the food that filled us.
Or the milk that gave us life.
It was the nourishment flowing into our hearts, souls, and spirits!
Not of the body.
But, from heart to heart, soul to soul and spirit to spirit.
Melting the inner core of our beings.
Transforming us into beings of eternity.

The embrace of love became the beginning of a token.
The intimacy that we yearned for.
Appears not measurable.
Distinct yet uncountable.

Wired to belong,
to be accepted, 
to be loved.

Had the power to affect our souls beyond comprehension.

We were lost along the way, some confused, some grew up.
We became doers rather than beings.
We interrupted the flow that once gave us the antidote to life.
We forgot that connection that once linked us to the sacredness of life.

Disconnected from our source.
Starved for affection, love and acceptance.
We became orphans in our hearts, souls and spirits.
Deprived of our homecomings.

The womb, the place where we first, had our needs met.
A sacred place, a hiding place.
Still waiting for us to claim our places.
Restoring life into our beings.
Lifting us up when we fall.
Guiding, guarding and building us again.
Ready for Affection?

Mindful Heart Soul Spirit

I have been told that silence and stillness connects one to oneself.
However, the challenge is to go past tiredness, restlessness and fear.

The quality of connection can be amazing on one's soul and spirit.

When one is connected from the inside out, our outlook will change and become more at rest, and with oneness of who, we really are.
Our values, our hopes, our purpose and meaning.

We need not be swept by the stronger currents, that makes us result orientated.
We don't need to be pressured by the many voices that deter us from our direction.
We need not fear the truth feeling alone yet loving the company of others.
Yes, the temptation to become indifferent, to blend in can be strong at times.
And, we feel tired, yet we are restless.
We keep busy, yet we do not know why we have to do what we do.

Suddenly, a wave of discouragement floats around.
Thoughts of doubt can either become a seed to let go.
Or to allow the sensation of thoughts to carry us away.

Surrendering is a will, not a feeling.
Lifting us up becomes a mindful decision.

When a meaningful and sincere smile is given.
An encouraging word is spoken.
Our hearts become filled.

A hearty meal to fill our emptiness.
To strengthen us on our way.
So that,we can love with an upright heart.

The way to freedom lies not in getting answers.
Trusting the perfect wisdom of our maker.
Whom chooses our time to be born.

He, who first saw us and knitted us in our mother's womb,
Surely would not abandon us.

His bond with us started even before we knew he existed.
Surely, he knew our existence and our purpose.

Would he not reject us or forsake us?

He,who has a mother's heart and a father's hand.

Will he not want the best for us?

So, trusting is a will too, not a feeling.
Letting God be God becomes a mindful decision.

I choose to be true of who I am inside despite the confusion and struggles.

I choose to love and to forgive.

To become a blessing to the people who are ready to receive me as I am.

I become a joy to others and to myself.

The gift within revealing my true nature of my likeness to our our Father who art in heaven!
In receiving and in giving.
In giving to receive.
In receiving to give again.

My birthright and heritage.

Amen

Ownership of our souls

When we don't nuture our souls and allow it to draw from us and out. Something is simply missing.
Acts of creating, making,  moulding, channelling are forms of different ways of  the ways that energy is  drawing us into a purpose full filled life.
Without that we have not discovered what it is to be alive.
However, we need to have our conscious intention  always pointed and focused to instill value and meaning into our vision.
We cannot expect that our efforts will be paid off.
Accumulated through the toils of experiencing life in various ways.
Maybe, we can say we are arriving.
We can be alive,  yet dead.
And, if we are dead, why is then our hearts still ache.
Crying as an orphan without any meaning and sense of direction.
Then, we realised we are dead, we become corpses walking around.
Waiting to be released, to return home.
But, we have to let go of our feelings of betrayal, fears, anger.....
We no longer want to be controlled.
We want ownership of our dreams, longings.
To be freed, free from moving on into living from our hearts.
Transformed into our being, our souls.
No longer needing to hang on and cling on empty feelings and broken hearts.
The moment we decide to let go, is the moment we are free.
Free to be me, who I are made to be, a spiritual being.
Transformed into whatever I wish see as beauty, truth and love.
I am free, I am me.

An Angel with me

Connecting the dots

It is easy to see the dots, yet to understand the dots?
Imagine walking backwards and looking forward?
Is it not strange to walk through life in such a manner?
Although, it is said to understand is to join the dots backwards?
Yet, life is a mystery,  never fully comprehensive ly understand
Ing the whys and how's.
Only a bended knee with a trusting heart can contain and allow the ebbs and flows of life to unfold into one' s clasped hands.