My first gingerbread cake

I added grapefruit juice instead of lemon juice.
I used molasses and brown sugar.
And i used only ground ginger and cinammon.

Welcome 2015

My greatest joy

Learning from trees

If What I learned today about plants that are not yet a tree and also not a seedling or a sprout.
Noticing their vulnerability as like our teeth.
We wear braces, so do they.
They put on their branches and reach for the skies.
Whether, they
Stand upright and grow in size to allow their branches to spead and shade.
Depends a lot also with how they are cared for.

If you would care to see, they seem to need a little help to not move and sway in all directions.
Before their trunk grows in strength to withstand the rain and wind.
They have to be tied to a pole, a similar way how their parents grew too.
They hv to be guided, held.
Not rushing their puberty stages.

So, likewise when we embark on our growth journeys. We need to remember that even the tallest and oldest tree had to be led and supported.

For me it is humility, patience and gentleness that I learned from them.

The stages of living and facing truth

First, is ridicule.
Second, is violent objection.
Third, living in fear.
Fourth, finding peace in the decision made.
Fifth, learning to stand by me whether others agree, not letting others pull me to think otherwise.
Sixth, finding the courage and knowing if given the chance, I would still choose what I have choosen.
Seventh, letting go of the outcome, admitting when I have done wrong, but standing firmly for my values.
Eighth, protecting self against any abuse against my dignity and respect.
Ninth, forgiving and embracing.
Tenth, facing life sentence whether being carried out.
Eleventh, when you are prepared to give up your life because you choose to love and save the helpless and voiceless. Not running away because of punishment.
Twelve, it is when you truly lived your life without in vain. Truly loved and cared.

Closer than we think

Can you walk away when someone needs help?
Would you be able risk your life for someone?
How far under circumstances can one reach out?

Can this be taught?
Must one be given permission?

Perhaps fear is not at others' expectations,
it is my decision and courage to stand up for what my heart tells me,
That is most scary!

Dare to be real?

A playful pet
Waiting for its owner to return,
like a child all over again,
Wondering when my care taker will come and pick me up.

Against the odds,
Sitting at the mouth of a predator,
One false move,
I fall into the trap that is planned for me.

Courage, I need.
Risk, I invest.
Love, I bleed.
Relived, I am.

No fears, threats can defeat the spirit of true self and selfless love.
No promises to give,
In the face of love,
No mountains are too high,
No rivers to deep,
No pleas unanswered.

Giving an extra mile without counting

Lodging in a temporary world,
I ceased to find my reward in the outer realm of reality.
But, not without moments of truth comforting and guiding.
Beauty in the few gems that pass by to chat.
Lifting the mockery of childlikeness.
Wonderful connection like tea and coffee.
My heavy eyelids, shuttering for a second,
will I still choose to live by values?
Shadowing the unseen, faith fastens,
Gleams of light piercing through even a tiniest thread of darkness.
Without counting the cost,
short lived happy moments are shrouded with Sacrifice.
Without struggling,
I eased  into a Tarantula, as if to release the poison from me,
my double edged sword witnessed this partnership.
Gladly, I melted with joy together in this collaboration.
Truth, my guide and friend

Thank you

Choosing Compassion Instead of being Right

Suddenly being alone,
As if facing the arrows and bows that shoots by day.
Tending to its confusion.
Anguish is mine to mend,
silent tears, commotion mounting.
Indignant remarks hurl across as the way to guide.
Stoic walls that look precarious.
Looking ahead, I see
Only judgment and a predicament that seals my fate.

What is communication to me?

Intrigued by this mystery and immense gift.

What makes me happy at the end of the day?
What energizes me at the end of the day?
What fills up my heart, soul and spirit?

I relate this by expressing my joys, frustrations, patience, through my interactions with my babies.

Doing things together, taking walks,

struggling through the darkness, trials in life with hope,

forgiving one another, taking chances in trusting,

Through total acceptance and
reaching out,
respecting another soul,

understanding the beauty and ugliness that comes through and with interacting and relating.

Conforming is order. Obedience is not always about pleasing and fulfilling one's own ego.

Rebelling, not conforming is found in each raw soul and spirit.
It is strength breaking free.

Knowing and respecting the dignity is value.
Vital in living in harmony with one another.
It should not be taken away, destroyed or killed.

Every living thing deserves its freedom and right to have their own mind and choice.

We are meant to be free, wild, be with nature, organic, original with our flaws.

Beautiful, natural and perfected with Grace.

Gift for all living things

What is our purpose in life?
Like why are we here on earth? 

I was perplexed by a lady whom came to me asking me how to understand her dog.
She was nearly in tears when we talked more about the challenges that she encountered.

Another family wanted to take their pet dogs out. Afraid to be seen, we stuff our beloved animals into suitcases.
As a result of our impatience, we stuff our pets into a bag as if they were presents or part of groceries chores.

We look into the eyes of our beloved pets.
And, we see us in their eyes only.
We forget how much they look up to us to lead them, to protect them, to love them.

More urgently,  we fail to see and read them as individuals soul coming here on earth to teach us and guide us.

The feelings that they have are unmet.
And, when they misbehave, we stick out our canes and threats.

They become more confused and angry.
We become frustrated as  communication breaks away.

Do our animals have a mind on their own?How can they be obedient one moment, and the next, become Gremlins in our backyards?

How can we reach out to these animals whom for centuries have co-habited with us.

What lessons have they come with to teach and help us live a more meaningful and purposeful life on earth??????

Our lost inheritance

We live in this noise polluted, air polluted environment.
Even, our ability to use our innate capability to sense, feel, see be
yond proof is contaminated with doubt and fears.
We become insecure, blinded by greed.
Pulled in all directions.
We loose our focus, we loose sight of what is really important to us.
We are harden with facts, reality.
Left with a empty, skeptical, fearful,
Heart
We hide, avoid, run from what is buried.
Our infant heart lost its signal from us. Our Heart is banished to operate in secret.
Our unspoken language slowly disappears from our lives.
Putting away our inheritance.
We loose knowledge that books cannot give us.
The many questions about living becomes more complicated and confusing.
Never to know the answers that we seek are within us.
Lost in a world where our relationships are disconnected and separated.
Not knowing how to be in harmony with nature and animals.
We become helpless like a newborn whose main caregiver is absent.
Till we embrace Heart, we will remain alone, lost, and lonely.
See, how patiently our Heart waits and beckons us home.
Longing to embrace and to be embraced.
Silently, seeking solace inside us.
Gently, asking the sleeping giant to be awaken.
Waiting to be held and natured.

Connect, Relate, Communicate

Desire to Connect

Our innate desire to connect has brought me 

To understand, to learn, to gain knowledge.

With all the new toys, inventions, 

We hope to amuse, dote on our children.

However, our children and pets have become lonelier.

No one to talk with, play with.

As we have become busier, occupied and unavailable.

We think that a relationship is through, observing, looking from a distance.

We seem to loose our natural instinst to communicate with others, nature and pets.

Thus,  loosing our heritance to connect, love, understand, empathise.

Different perpectives and angles

Looking up, I see an Angel.
Seeing below, I feel the sorrows, struggles of an human of being human.
Sensing within, I am challenged with seeing and not judging.
Knowing becomes not knowing.
Humility, patience, humour.

Knocking on the hearts of the fearful.

Tilting, sliding from side to side.

Riding on waves that washes away my own views of life.

Left me with no reason and meaning.

Searching from inside.

I choose my values over my human nature.

Recognising my worth, dispite the rights and wrongs.

Truth speaking and piercing within.

Subjecting again and again to the lessons of the ridiculous measurements.

I have decided not to participate or join the fun of confusion.

But, stay near truth, hope, faith and love.

A journey it has been, a ride!!!!!

The last 2 years have been the first exciting of exploring and tunnelling into the unknown.

It is full of ups and downs, lots of adjusting, adapting, acceptance, forgiveness, self love, 

Lots of insights, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

Letting go again is much needed.
Lots of honouring to be done, self convictions, a renewed heart with more courage face a new day

Forgiveness has to be done again and again.

The values of my core can be hidden.
With challenges, set backs, 
It can sometimes be so hard that my heart can become bitter, angry, disappointed.


But, the spirit realm begins to manifest at times like this, dispite whether i am a practising christian in a traditional way, or I 
see spirit in the ordinary person I meet. 
It could be the lady whom i buy my tea every morning, or the lady who wakes at 7am to sweep my code area.

The goodness that i feel from them can makea difference how i start my day.
WHAT is it that makes me smile?

A real person is someone who can be herself or rather adapts herself to the environment, respects each other's self worth and right without trying too hard to survive.

When we can look each other in the eye and see the goodness and beauty, we can then begin to perhaps love and care from our hearts.

Live by tut he values that makes us strong and beautiful inside, to others i can look like a fool, but something inside starts to shift, i can  
then truely say, I am free, I can be honest, I can be myself.

What a freeing statement to live by.

Gratitude

Can we really be honest?

Forgiving and forgiven

Acceptance

It is a decision that has to be repeated again and again.
To choose to live by values and not by the results.
To believe beyond proof, a kind of faith through our senses and beyond.

Trying

Facing within and gaining strength from within and the positive energies

New

Getting up

Freedom

Life

What my animal friends taught me

What Love is to Me

I feel that Love can be a paradox.
It is gentle,  yet you can bleed.
It is beautiful,  yet it can be painful.
It is accepting, yet it can demand all of you.
It is the beginning and the end.
It is a feeling at an instance and it can become a commitment in your life.

It is an ideal and becomes a way of life.
It is a place I run to time to time,
yet it is place I can feel burned.

It is an attitude and operates without rules.
It is for us, yet it hard to find.

It is not a feeling, rather how I commit and serve others.
It does not make me richer monetarily,
yet it can help me to be stronger.

It cannot be felt or understood.
Yet, it heals,  it soothes.
It is the only thing that can hold and contain all of me.

This place resides all fears, anger, shame, guilt and meets me without a word.
It is the space where all can be understood without any judgement and reason.
Embracing all of me, it says,
I hear you, I feel you, I understand, I hear u.
It is a knowledge beyond all knowings, a kind of understanding that relieves me from the trash I collect along the way in life.

This is paradise.
That I hope to receive every moment in my life.
For me this is my melting point and place, my g spot .
The balancing game I don't have to play,
the whys all endhere.
Pause, pause pause.

It is quiet.
It is a safe, secure.
No one can mess with me here.
It is like being in my protective ball all over me, a warm, bight, clear, breathable area where I become like a baby once again.
Suckling and nursing at my mother's breast.

I float and sleep secure in this realm.
It ia my hiding, my shelter from the darts that fly and the arrows that come but don't get hit.

I know I can reach for it, and call it to me when I need it.
It is not far from me,it exists and it is real.
It is u and it is me.
It is us.

Lover of my Life

Rather, to experience acceptance, why not accept yourself with self compassion.
Hope to be heard,  why not hear the voice that always want to reach out.
Try not to judge,  instead to embrace.
Have faith I am stronger and bigger than what is beyond me for now.
Reach out, touch someone today.
Harsh words are easy to say.
Kind and gentle words to my soul, physical body needs it.
It is ok to feel lost, afraid, it is our right to feel vulnerable.
Sometimes,  our body gets sick, sometimes our minds and thoughts get sick.
Allow myself to feel through, let it cut through.
Yes, it does bleed,  it does feel cold.
Like the process of acknowledging your emotions as your friends, some nice, some milky, some nasty, somw sweet, some scary.
It has its purpose in serving your body and soul.
Let the unconditional love  to slowly surface, like you would do for a friend.
Sit and bathe under its gentleness,  soothing balm to your pain and struggles.
Let the gentle assurances it wants to offer to feed your soul to find the strength again.
Be thankful for every experience.

I am loved

Perplexed with my values that I uphold,
Thinking it will bring me along a journey without or little storms.
Boy, so wrong am I in my immature thinking.
Life does not promise me that good deeds equals good life.
In fact, it has proven quite the opppsite.....
Commitment and good attitude seems not to be paying off the way I think it would.
No guarantee of monetary, emotional reward and respect.
Yet, to me it is like to keep and be true to my religion.
No rewards, what's in for me then?
I seem like a fool led to the wrong venue.
It makes it clearer what is important to me.
It is no longer a path I can control so easily.
Because, it is not about me anymore.
Even this place sucks, it is something I have chosen for now.
I hope to go through even I can't see the end of  what it might entail for me in the longer run which I can't grasp.
I can only hope,  wait with faith and know that a fair share of what I have deserve d will be given back on time.

Because I am beautifully and wonderful ly woven

When my path of tears, struggles, anxieties,  anger, is mixed with a couple wonderful souls with whom I cannot imagine my life without.
When the giving becomes the fuel for finding other paths.
When confusion is mixed with shame, guilt and fear.
Home calls me, the only anchor that stay strong, the heart and the mind must seperate here.
The warmth of a hug brings me hope once more.
I am saved and protected dispite the undercurrents.
When I am under the shelter with little energy to figure my way.
I rest till I regain my strength within.

My perks

Girl

My boys

Our new garden

Popping his head

Our Worth

We cannot base our worth on our performance, ability, talents.
It is only when we experience true helplessness and confusion,
We will truely know what is really important that makes us who we are.
It is through our suffering s that we can boast of our achievement.

Glittering gentle soul

How beautiful it is to receive such a gift
Without naming
Without trying to understand
Just accept it with gratitude
Do not hold onto it
Just stay with it while it is still present and real
Affirming you, melting the angs, looking out for u
Thank you

Falling into the branches

When I see myself move from total confusion and chaos to a total dimension of reality, I am honoured,  challenge d, ridicule d.

To live is to die to oneself at the service of others

I finally understand the only home that we can have is not a place, an idea, but where your heeart liea, where you can love more than yourself, when u are more than your ego, die to the negative feelings and thoughts.
It is some to others motherhood, some creativity, some music making, some being a priest, some being a missionary.
It is when vocation calls, regardless of the results of the successes and failure s, it is the constancy to show up and keep doing what you are called to.
Even in the dessert, the rain, the doubting voices, the fears that you might not be going anywhere.The reality of dissappointments, but still pressing on.
It is the birthplace of your soul and spirit.
It calls, it wails, it beckons you back to u the reason why u are alive.

The exodus shows the way

To go into the wilderness and worship, meet, experience God. Only through tests, would we know our true God.
The passover is a sign of God's sign to be protected by him.
A sacrifice by his people to leave in haste from oppression, cruelty, harshness of heart,
To risk all, to walk in faith.
To walk with his strength, to go forth.
Away with the absence from not doing, except by listening.
The price of freedom is redeem ed once more.
The path may not be easy, no sight that one can survive,  many have been stayed for a long time in Egypt.
Many may find it too difficult,  troublesome, to make this journey.
No food, no water, many fear death before reaching safety.
Every path is a gamble, the ways unknown to man.
There are others who have lost faith, or know who their God is anymore.
Yet,  through the persuasion of God's messenger, they begin to have the courage to believe again.
And to be led with hope once more.
No one is spared from hardships. But, the Lord promises to be with them.
The Lord, who showed them the path, will also show us the path.
What is impossible for us, is possible for God.
I therefore, can move on with courage and not despair.
To go forth, once more.

The Shift

Never have I felt that creating was another of living, being, ....

Music, my soul!

I never thought connection could be in this manner.
To share, encourage,  to invite, to encourage,  to give and be received with such kindness.
I had to had such grace too.
To break free from the stereo thinking, to be accepted for my flaws, to break away from the prison walls of lone liness, endless thoughts that lead nowhere, what I did with the little self respect I had left.
A remarkable breakthrough to express myself and invited others to do so.
Not as a uptight musician, but a human being who just want to be connected through music with little words.
What matters is not how well I di it, but whether it was a vehicle to serve and bring out another side to one's being or soul.
I felt for a long time, I missed what it was like to share and have someone feeling good after listening to the music I create.
I thank the source,  my lord, for this wonderful gift to be able to share and connect in such a unconditional,  unconventional way of self expression and communication.

Truely I say

I think most creative people work in the dark ness,

 trusting when it is ready, the light will shine on it,

bringing with it life to others.
When it is laid in secret, the maker must work tirelessly

 and vision the thing being created without

losing to the thoughts that might bring the maker to the other extreme end of hopelessness.

 What is ugly and unknown is being crafted and born.

The fanciful titles don't mean much. 

 Driven by mea ning and purpose is one's motivation.

 To rebel and push beyond known boundaries of daily life and by comparison less welcomed by others.

 Unknown ways,

but surely they are driven by purpose and not purchase,

status and position no longer useful,

only to serve, to love, to care,

 and to share

 and broken once more.

Song Writing

The joy of discovery, there is no such thing as bad writing, just what is important is the first time, the great big step you take.

Whatever I do

Whatever I do, drawing, playing the piano, talking to my pets, relating to friends, it is all about sensing, trusting in what I see through my senses. Theory are guidelines, the rest is up to me.
If I want a good picture, a piece of good work, a meaningful relationship, I have to be in it, part of the curves, thinking, seeing the images, sensing through another eyes with my information, feeling with my heart.
Only then, can I say I have it.

Search from within

Maybe, it was years that my calling came
it was subtle, it was not clear.
The period of proving, getting approval, finding out what I am about, getting tested, honing my skills, healing, the nurturing years, my teen years.
Thank u for the shelter during my tubulent years.
Now, I can walk tall to face the challenges the next half needs.
So, it is officially goodbye.

Everything and Nothing All at Once

Are there days when everything seems to need attention,
But when you give something attention, it seems nothing fills you.
You keep thinking, is this important to finish?
Your mind and body are at 2 different ends at the same time you want to get things done from both sides.
And you wondered, what you actually want?

Silent, kind, compassionate, the most important right now!

I have thought having answers were the solution.
Having a comment.
Showing my concern, with my judging tone.
Sometimes, why I don't I just shut up, be silent and accompany the person in front of me right now instead.
Just listen with love and acceptance.
JUST be at the rhythm, let it flow, let others have the right, space, own themselves and what ever they are feeling and thinking.
Let it be soft, rather than hard,
let it pour, rather than control,
let it ease, rather than cause more injury,
let the tide subside on its own time, rather than choosing a good time,
let the feelings be friends, rather than enemies.
Let it be, rather than fix it till it is right, let the healing do its own job,
let not intelligence, knowledge get in the way to the heart,
For the mind of your heart can open new doors to you, if you let heal, let it speak, let it show you the way.

Why do I read?

After having being able to read different books all at once.
The more to read seemed something like, read for information, read for directions...
At the end, I think, it seems best that if I read from a place that is at peace, single minded, at a moderate tempo, yet it speaks to me, rather than skimming through, or rushing off to get my first PHD.
Where is the flow?
Where is your source coming from?
Where are your leanings?
Aren't all things have their rhythm and beats?
Are we listening to it?
Let it lead rather.
Let it show you the way!

Small Changes

Sometimes,  what it takes is a sensitive heart and a sharp eye.
Quick to see what has changed for the better, slower to want expectations met.
Since, I remembered,  I only get lost and lost precious time getting lost.
Finally, for the first time, my heart and mind did not waver,
It is a small step towards wholeness and faith.
Amen

Soul connection
To be fully human,
I must recover my heart, mind, body and spirit into theirs.
May I say the animals, flowers, trees, waterfall.
Since,  we are but of the same spirit but in different forms.
We have lost our intuition because we shut out our hearts, trusting what we can only
process with.
We build layers of armour around it to be protected, only to fail more miserable ly.
We think we are the dominants ones, the rest should sumbit their wills.
We fail to listen what they are telling us, mirroring us, healing us, teaching us.
As a result,  we become disconnected.
We think only the fittest survive, when it is cooperation that sens us looking out fir each other, thus harmony is formed.
We see what we want to see, we take what is good in harvesting, so as to gain.
But, we loose trying because we are disconnected aming our species and the rest.
soul connection will lead us home,  the anicient people with no modern technology can teach us to be still and not always hurrying.
They teach us to observe our environment and what it is saying to us .
They teach us to be sensitive and knowing.
They teach us to be connected.

Undivided Heart

Often have I wondered,
there are only moments to remember, when my mind, body, spirit are single minded.
The rest of the time struggling within, as if they were separated from me!
How do you know?
What are the signs?
Can I take the plunge?
Questions after one another, cutting through.
Instead, of being centered, calmed, present, silent.
I choose to entertain the thoughts that temp me especially in my vulnerable times.
No bliss, but led nearer and nearer to the cliff.
A step away, on the other side, waiting patiently for me to come back.
With no kind words to offer, except this absolute silence within, inside, emptiness pervades,
With a stroke of a moment of grace, I am sitted embracing my emptiness and silence.
I wait for some answer, sometimes nothing, sometimes a tingling sensation sweeps across as if a gust of wind has past by.
I know I am not alone, connected with the source, yet a sense of loneliness, anger, impatience, do surface up.
I asked to remove these intense feelings that seemed to be my only companion.
Yet, it did not kill.
I cannot run from myself anymore, this is me, this is how I feel.
This is my truth, my aches, my struggles to be human.
As I sometimes, get through it,
peace does visit me,
As I stay with my truth, my weakness, my fears,
the intensity do lessen with naming.
As I leave and gather my bits and pieces of happiness, joy, I  am reminded that I am part of this everchanging  climate.
And I am invited to stay for just a moment to be present.
For that moment, my being, my heart, my mind, was undivided, at least, to gather them together, made me see, hear, feel, understand myself a bit more.
The energy is amazing!
My one desire, an undivided heart!

The poor in spirit

The wait,
usually unknown,
no arrival,
the toiling
continues,
Our only dependence is in the One that gives life to all things.

Running away

I used to think that running away was bad.
But in each and everyone of us, there is a little voice that is so fragile.
It is the little boy or girl that never grows up too, like Peter Pan.
To harvest the wisdom of that voice that calls out for attention, for love, for acceptance, for a hug.
Again and again, as if the child inside will never grow out of that longing and need to be assured and soothed.
But, that is just the way we are, going forth and back, resting in the voices that calls for attention to regain perspective and strength to go on again.
We gather up the bits and pieces that we get and often thinking that is not going to last us.
Embracing our broken pieces, shattered memories, loneliness, fears, we move on.
We cannot erase our experiences whether good or bad, we can only say so little yet not be discouraged, and not be too great that we cannot be filled.
Our strength in gathering up and moving on, falling, getting up and trying again.
We walk with our wounds and scars, yet never loose hope.
We carry the vessels that has been given and ask to be held again and again.
Till we meet our maker, the source of all things.

Coming back to the undivided homes in my life

My homeward journey
has taken me my whole lifetime
to figure out and to walk through it all.
Always, for longing for home,
where I would be accepted for who I am, cherished and loved.
However, my younger and perfectionistic complexity made me blind, deaf, harden to what was and always will be in front on my table.
Not under my dictatorship or my standards.
I have come to realise and see that there are actually lots of different fragmented segments that divides, and there is the home or homes, I need to come back to.

Expectation from an outsider looking in

I wondered when I started to realise that what I have been learning have been misled.
Lots of poor information have been circulating and a proper structured and tested out info have not been constructed.
When you have been in one area and digging your head in, it is time to not hide and play hide and seek games.
Feeling the climate of what is needed, expected has been always advancing and on the go of renewing itself, some have stay put, leading to the in effective usage of the body and its capacity to function.
Yet, there is no clear sign on where to move on to, where, what.

So, don't judge and say it is fine, when it is not, and don't criticise when there is nothing to be in a state of searching with no concrete plans to show for.

The state of mind of a onlooker is different from an insider, and so are his feelings.

Loving

I guess we live our lives trying to be happy and free.
Yet, we cage ourselves up with all the negative voices around, offering no support, cutting with words.
They cannot under stand that one has feelings, and free to choose.
One gentle word can calm the worried mind, but happy soul.
Only the sensitive can address the unfound fears, the souless can only tear others down.
One has to decide to becone stronger than the negative repetitive thoughts that propels one's free will to live as dignified humans that are respected of their rights.
If loving was an easy task, there will be no more need for depression and all illnesses.

Fate

It is kind of strange when you meet someone
 and call him a stranger.
Though, we have been called to live at different times and places,
our common goal and ageless destiny on earth is death.
We meet someone, we are amazed at our likeness and wondered how it happened?
And after all that has happened, we find ourselves back to where we were.
We discard people that are in our lives like toilet paper.
The good ones we keep, the ones that annoy us, we ignor,
the ones that disappoint us, we keep our distance.
But, isn't Fate that brought us together, to learn from one another,to forgive,
To see that everything that happens, happens for a reason.
It doesn't happen by chance.
There is so much wisdom, love to take back whether our good intentions are reciprocated.
Aren't we learning patience, non-judgement in the process, rather to fill our hearts with discontentment and disconnectedness?
Think about it!

Foliage

The sun shines, 
no wind at sight, the 
sweat from toiling with nature.
Hands rougher and toughen. 
Backs burned.
The happiness in the hearts.
My only friend, the greens.
Some are just finding a home, 
some want to go home.
Talking to them, to help them be comfortable with me.
Asking them for permission to transport them live in a new environment.
From the moment, my eyes caught sight of them, we decided.
With one big leap, we got ourselves into an adventure.
Once, no name.
Among the wild, one is chosen to have dignity and pride.
One's beauty can shine, an opportunity to be someone.
Amongst, the thick foliage, I have chosen you, and you followed me wherever I went, 
you trusted yourself with me, 
my only intention is that you would find home and be rooted.
It a kind of fate and adventure!
You took the risk and chances to try out with me.
On mine, I have to diligently make sure you get the best, with no promises.
Yes! An opportunity for me to care for all living things,
to have a relationship with the source that kept us connected and affecting each other with our energies.
With the same spirit, but different forms and intentions, we have a chance to co-create, to love and serve and be nurtured by one another through our purpose and calling.

We Stereotype!

Our views on how people should behave are limited to our experiences and understanding.
We judge rather than empathise,
our cultural influences,
our security based on acceptance,
We failed to live our lives as if was the last.

My garden
I have always wanted to be rooted.
Never, to experience firmness, stablity, sureness.
A step away from solace and solitude.
My world begins with what is natural and sacred.
My day begins with that cycle of life.
My time is in its 2nd half, my remaining days,
I hope will be differently lived.
My choices ,wiser, clearer, life-giving.
My actions,  forgiving, patient, healing.
My speech,   loud and truthful, firm and soothing.
My thoughts,positive, peaceful.

Become Me

If there is a desire?
Where lies truth, lies boldness to go 
create and make new things happen, let 
guilt and fearful voices not hold you back without believing in you.
The first step out is always with hesitation.
Is there a need, a cause?
Go forth!

What am I striving for?

Often, in my life,
my aim used to be perfection.
Without mistakes, as it is associated with punishnent.
What comes after,
a nervous breakdown, or some psychological damage as a result?
So, is this going to be my criteria?
Certainly,  not!
What do worship most, as if my life depends on it.
Love, money, .......
None above?
We fight for love, we fight for grades, we fight for position, we fight fir position and money.
we seek for recognition for our deeds.
What motivates us?
Passion dies, even it lives, it leaves very space left to serve, a blessing to someone.
it is needed, but not to serve one's desires and whims.
It will learm that since purpose and meaning is what we seek, it needs to become one with the giver, work simultaneously with the higher source.
Slowly, the striving will be to serve truth, love and hope.
Not our intellect, greed, insecurities, power, money, fame.
As only the truth will last and endure through many life times.

What I do, I do it to serve, to live out the truth

Isn't funny that what you love should love you back.
What you do especially the right ones, there is expectation for appreciation.
When you know it is your right to be seen as important, becomes the vehicle for love.
Our purpose to serve and not expect the rewards behind all the sacrifices and hardworks.
So call, ministry!
Motto!

A love that is worth every part of you, yet .....

Is there anything that touched your heart so much that you knew that this was what you needed for the rest of your life?
It became your joy, as it brought you hope.
Soon, it became your obsession.
Before, you knew it, the sacrifices that came along with it.
It felt like you were on top of the world.Then, it became your ministry.
So after, you felt like you wanted to run away from it.
Not because you disliked it, but what you were doing with it became a reality.
It was the best gift that was ever given, withstanding the harshness of reality.
You love it, you want to run from it, yet you cannot have a moment not living with the gift.
It became something you could live for, live from within.
A hope, a sign that beauty do exist.
Truth do happen.
What you are was the result of this gift, because you took it.
What goes on from here is none of mine alone.
No longer to need an identity,
No need to prove,
No need to wonder it is really yours.
Just show up, be consistent, do your share whether someone is looking.
Even when the sun don't shine,
even when you can't be in the right mind,
even when you go hungry,
even when the promises are not kept, even when your heart has been broken countless time.
That is when you know you love what you do or someone more than yourself.

Forging through

Who says that life is a linear line,
 or is there a need to face the struggles of choices made.
What it means to stay alive,
with something worth fighting for!
We need little to eat and clothe ourselves.
Our mind we feed with ... our body...
Are we more than our mortal and decaying bodies?
Do we allow room for growth and renewal?
Are not our spirits fighting to stay with the truths in our hearts?
 We will rise up again, we will fall from time to time, but we can pick ourselves up and join in the on going journey.
The search for truth, love, hope, there is to living.
We can find our strength in the one who sees us through all our trials and ask for the grace to pick ourselves up again for the next round in the "Struggle Ring".

co-creating

The gift that is truely yours,
the process inward out pouring forth,
seeking only life to give at all costs.
The chores undone, the life not lived.
The ingredients you choose, the shape you decide, the strokes are thought of,
the strength to exucute, the tempo is formed, the melody is steamming in the vapor s of your hot chocolate.
The space is yours and the thing is solefully yours.

Neglect henceforward!!!

We often overlook something,when it is simple.
We often judge the quality of the intellect by its complexity.
We often think that having read is a ego boosting trait.
But, we forgot to be present and listen for its truths and miss the teachings and lessons that are offered.
We missed the opportunity to learn, think , create and how it makes one feel.

Are you looking for wisdom?

It is found in the humble stable,

There is no beauty except love,

In the jobs where no one will give you a second glance,

when you have nothing to offer, except the precious residue of teachings in the wrappings of the weaknesses and strengths of others that resemble the love of a mother.

 

 

Pushing for Sunrise!

There are days which seems like a breeze,
there are also days you wondered what is missing,
there is no landing, no rising,
at times like these,
you start to feel that you might have been forgotten,
the work that you do are thoughtless and only out of duty,
what did the hell happened?
When? How?
When the days of drudgery last longer than the warmth your sweetheart.
When kind and encouraging words are so precious that it is seldom given but, instead
hash and judging words are exchanged because of the insecurities that fasten the hearts and lips that surrounds your weary soul and spirit.
These are the days! Indeed! This very day, lift up your voice and call to whom Father!
He will direct your heart and mind,
he will lead you back to your truth.

The one and only treasure

Sometimes, things don't go the way you want them .
When your weakness play up, thinking by numbing them, they would not bother you.
The only time when you feel all right is when you realise the only thing you have is you and what you want to do with it.
It never feels that there is an easy way out, but the inner voice that whispers, surely my life is worth more than the just this, more than me just slipping by, indifferent to what reality is.
The voice that whispers, never give up on yourself, live your life seriously whether it is played out like a joke or it pays you back what you deserve.
Be true to this one life you have be given! Remind yourself till countless, and find your true self not dwelling in self-pity or excuses to want an easy way.
Strength, you will find that you never thought you had, regardless of externals and the results, you are the one and only treasure you truly have and will have.

Believe

When I run at the thought of facing the struggle ring.
When I realise I have been avoiding what needs courage.
When fears have kept building walls within,
letting nothing through.
When the lies of being safe have kept me in prison, with nothing to cry for.
The cold restless soul feels the absence of her lover in sight.
Dreams are fading when the reality speaks louder than the inner voice.
Seeking for an embrace to bring me back.
The warmth of a loved one, reminding me I am still here and alive.
Striving what means to me as if my life depends on it,
brings me to the existence that I am.

Running around like a headless chicken

You will know whether you love something or someone,
the fear of losing, the feeling that you are not good enough, the fear of being truthful for fear of not being understood or worse accepted, the mask to portray that you are without a flaw, not wanting to be a burden or being looked upon as being helpless.
When it gives you the most heartache, when you sacrifice your life for, when u know you cannot go on life, that you will be like a living corpse without..., when you run anywhere except facing the pain, risk it takes, when it means going against the ones you looked upon, when you feel alive, you are suddenly soulful and passionate....When it is more than earning a living, when it means like food and water to you.
You will know it is LOVE!

Building my sense of ownership of who I am

The ingredients of flowering,
growing up a little at a time.
 Taking my time to mature.....
Passion, hmm, but dies down, still need to have.
Constancy in committing to what nurtures and embraces.
Like keeping a point to meet up your good friend.
Vision, must be kept in sight all the time, like a tap on the shoulder to stay focus and on track.
Must take it seriously, hard to maintain when someone is not watching, need to remind oneself, encourage oneself to stay on track, single minded, keep it simple, build your confidence.
No right or wrong, only in listening hard, keeping calm, questioning, can one know whether the practise is sufficient and heading in the right direction.
To meditate on what I have done in my heart, mind and soul.
Asking for grace to be truthful.
Slowly, one should discover one's sense of self worth, purpose, meaning and joy.
This everlasting fruits can never be taken away or replaced. No amount of misleading results and words and thoughts would take you away from your trueself.
You will find confidence like you never did before.
Congrats, you found U. One Special U!

Making sense of what means most

I used to think certs was the entry to being successful and happy.
But, what about being able to relate which gives a positive sense of belonging?
If I can't be accepted, surely my credentials would?
Or being seen as someone capable would mean that?
The need for attention, craving for love becomes a poison that repels rather than attracts,
rejects, rather than accepts.

Cutting through the darkness of the forest that surrounds my heart and mind

Bleak, cold...
Windy winds...
I lie awake... I sleep too much...
I lie aimlessly,
 I see bits and pieces of what I ought to accomplish.
Afterwards, that I would be safe, I would find meaning and purpose in the running around.
No, it did not give me a sense of direction where I should head or the confidence that was sipping away.
All the ought and should...
Blasting in my mind, what I should do to become what everyone else is doing everyday.
As if it was the only sign that signals what success and to be happy meant.

Unity

I am come to realise that
love without coordinating,
cheering for others,
respecting others for their time and concern,
recognising you are small and humility awakens and hearkens,
not insisting who is right or our way is the best and what should be.

We will still be
 in the struggle for power and recognition.
There would still be no peace.
Until, one truly does it with love,
not comparing or competition,
it would be meaningless.

We are many parts but one body.
When we hurt others, we hurt ourselves.
If we accept others,
 we can be at peace even when things don't go according to the way we want them to.

Adapting

Intelligence used in the  right context in the working environment is vital to one's efficiency.
Finding out what makes the person's taste such as how much ...is really about being intuitive and making the effort to remember each and every individual.
Adapting to one's environment is one's choice to survive. But, to cater the concern to the exact detail is the difference between a brilliant job done and just doing your job.